Episode 680: Easy Strategies to Manage Mental Health Struggles As A Food Blogger With Coley Gaffney

EBT680 – Coley Gaffney

Intro 00:00

Food bloggers. Hi, how are you today? Thank you so much for tuning in to the Eat Blog Talk podcast. This is the place for food bloggers to get information and inspiration to accelerate your blog’s growth, and ultimately help you to achieve your freedom. Whether that’s financial, personal, or professional. I’m Megan Porta. I have been a food blogger for 13 years, so I understand how isolating food blogging can be. I’m on a mission to motivate, inspire, and most importantly, let each and every food blogger, including you, know that you are heard and supported. 

Supercut  00:37

Hey there food bloggers. Check out our new finance supercut. This is a bonus 15 minute episode capturing highlights from finance episodes that we have recorded recently on the podcast. Head to eatblogtalk.com/financesupercut to listen today. 

[00:00:23]

If you have ever dealt with mental health struggles on any level, this episode is showing up in your life right now for a reason. I encourage you to dig in and listen to it. Coley Gaffney, the blogger at Coley Cooks, joins me to talk about her journey, going through some mental health struggles and being a blogger.

[00:01:18]   

 Alongside that and how tricky it can be. She talks about some really tangible strategies that help her get through tough times when she’s experiencing them, including journaling. It’s been a very powerful tool for her. She also has said goodbye to social media for a while and that has really helped her. And we finish off our discussion by talking about blogging just being a long game, which we all already know, but we get into the details on that and how to keep going when it feels impossible to keep going, especially during times like 2025 when things feel so out of control. This is an amazing, vulnerable, authentic episode and I just know you’re going to get so much out of it. It is episode number 680. Enjoy.

[00:02:00] Sponsor   

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[00:02:50]   

Coley Gaffney is a professionally trained chef and content creator behind the website Coley cooks. She specializes in seafood and Italian cuisine and previously had her own business as a personal chef and caterer. Coley has made numerous television appearances, including on QVC, the Rachael Ray show, the Today show, and most notably, she was second runner up on season 10 of Food Network. Star. Coley lives at the Southern Jersey shore with her husband and pup and is passionate about helping people connect through food. Yay. Coley’s here.

[00:03:25]   

 Welcome to the podcast. Coley, how are you?

[00:03:28]  Coley Gaffney 

 Thank you, I’m great. Thank you so much for having me on.

[00:03:31]  Megan Porta 

 Yes. So excited to talk to you. I got to meet you in person last year and now here you are, a guest on Eat Blog Talk, talking about a very important topic that needs to be discussed sometimes, and that is blogging with mental health struggles. And we’ll get into some other things as well. But before we get to that, Coley, do you have a fun fact to share?

[00:03:51]  Coley Gaffney 

 I do. And I thought about this quite a bit. One, because I am a longtime listener, first time guest, we’ll say. So I feel like I know you so much more than you know me. So this is like a bit of an unbalanced conversation, but by the end of this, you’ll probably know more about me than you ever wanted to.

[00:04:08]   

 So we might be getting into some, like, heavier topics today. So I thought I’m, you know, I have a few different fun facts to choose from and I’m going to give you what is quite possibly the weirdest story that I have. Okay, so the headline is that one time many years ago, I dried, not washed and dried, but I dried 50 Cent the rapper’s jeans in my home dryer.

[00:04:40]  Megan Porta 

 What? Explain, please.

[00:04:42]  Coley Gaffney 

 Okay, so when I this was back in 2010, so I was just getting started as a personal chef. I had just come out of culinary school and I was getting my business up and running and didn’t have any clients at the time. But one of my really good friends was working in a management position at the House of Blues.

[00:05:00]   

 We had like a local concert venue, House of Blues here. And he said, hey, if you need some extra work, like we’re always looking to hire runners for when different bands have gigs. Essentially what the runner is is they always hire a local person to just run errands for them, whatever they need for that day.

[00:05:18]   

 So I said, yeah, sure. So a couple of different times I went over and did that. And on this particular day, 50 Cent was the act that was playing at the House of Blues and his, you know, I’ll preface this by saying, most of the time, the errands that you’re running and the things that you’re doing have absolutely nothing to do with the actual musical artist.

[00:05:38]   

 It’s like you’re running errands for the roadies and the tour managers and the bus drivers, and it’s actually not that sexy or exciting. But on this particular day, the tour manager said, we only have one thing that we need you to do. We have a pair of jeans, and we need you to go get them dried.

[00:05:54]   

 You can just bring them to a Laundromat or whatever you want to do. And I was like, okay, sure. I said, do you. Do you need me to go to a laundromat, or can I take these to my house? Like, I live very close to here. Is that okay? And they’re like, we don’t care what you do.

[00:06:07]   

 Just get the jeans dry. So I said, okay, great. So I brought them back to my house, and I put them in the dryer. And, you know, a little bit of time had gone by, and I went down and was like, let’s go check on these jeans. And I open up the dryer, and I’m just, like, hit in the face.

[00:06:21]   

 You know when clothes aren’t fully dry yet and you get that, like, steam in your face? I’m just hit in the face with, like, one of the nastiest smells I’ve ever seen. Oh, gross.

[00:06:30]  Megan Porta 

 I wasn’t expecting that.

[00:06:33]  Coley Gaffney 

 No. And at this point, I still didn’t know if these were actually 50s jeans or if they belong to somebody else. But eventually got the jeans dry, I brought them back, and the next thing you know, they were looking at which designer belt to pair them with. And 50 Cent is on stage a few minutes later in this pair of jeans.

[00:06:55]  Megan Porta 

Smelly jeans. Oh, gosh. That is so random.

[00:06:59]  Coley Gaffney 

 So random. And I will say that I did get a chance to meet him later that evening, and he was truly one of the kindest, nicest, coolest, sweetest people ever. So even with having to smell his stinky jean steam, he still has a special place in my heart.

[00:07:17]  Megan Porta 

 So, jean steam. Oh, boy. Well, I’m glad to hear. He was lovely. He was all of that. Yes. That’s so funny. I love that story. I will never forget that, Coley.

[00:07:29]  Coley Gaffney 

Neither will I.

[00:07:32]  Megan Porta 

 Yes, I’m sure you won’t. Okay, well, on that note, or on a different note, I guess, let’s talk a little bit about your blog. Coley Cooks. Give us the scoop on that. When you started, what your niche is, anything you want to mention?

[00:07:45]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yeah. So I started my blog in 2013, around the time I was working as a personal chef. And I started it just as a hobby, just like so many of us in this industry have. I really just wanted an outlet to talk about food and the things that I was cooking at home that was kind of different from what I was doing in my professional life.

[00:08:02]   

 And I’ve done many different things in the food industry since then. I’ve taken lots of time to work on my blog and try to make it profitable and work. And then other times where it was totally on the back burner and not something I was focusing on at all. Fast forward to today where it’s my full time job.

[00:08:20]   

 So Coley Cooks is a recipe website, of course, and I focus mostly on Italian cuisine and seafood, which is something I decided to niche down to within the past few years. So I still have quite a bit of other content which I know a lot of people can also relate to.

[00:08:39]  Megan Porta 

 Yep, yep. A lot of us. I think there are few who can’t relate to that. Only a few.

[00:08:44]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yeah, for sure.

[00:08:45]  Megan Porta 

 Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing that. And then I know that you’ve experienced some mental health struggles, and I can say for myself that having mental health struggles and running a blogging business can be extremely challenging. So that’s kind of what we’re going to dive into today. So do you want to share about whatever you’re comfortable sharing regarding your mental health struggles and how maybe that has tied into your blogging business?

[00:09:14]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yeah, sure. So I was really hesitant to reach out to you to even talk about this topic in the first place. And when you responded to me with this enthusiasm of like, yeah, let’s do it, I kind of just cringed and was like, oh, no, I don’t actually want to, because it’s something that I’ve dealt with for my entire life.

[00:09:32]   

 But I’ve always carried some shame about, which I think is really normal. And anytime I hear someone else speak about their mental health struggles, I’m all ears. And anything that they say always makes me feel comforted knowing that I’m not alone in this. It’s totally normal. So many other people struggle with this.

[00:09:52]   

 And I thought, you know what? So many other people have helped me with my own journey. I think it’s my turn to finally step forward and share my struggles and my experiences and hope that even if one person hears this and even if they take nothing else away from it other than feeling like I’m not alone or it’s not just me or like Coley struggles too, then my work is considered a success here.

[00:10:17]   

 So, yeah, this is kind of.

[00:10:19]  Megan Porta 

 Well, thank you for stepping up because.

[00:10:21]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yeah, thanks.

[00:10:22]  Megan Porta 

 I know your email back was like, oh, I okay. I didn’t really want to do this, but maybe this is my sign to actually push through and do it. And I know there are people who are struggling with a variety of mental health issues right now, people listening right now. So this is helping. So thank you for doing this.

[00:10:42]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yeah. Well, I just want to say to everyone listening, like, I see you, I feel you, and I get it. And I think I’ve always presented myself. I know I present myself as a very bubbly, outgoing, happy person. And that is very much a side of me that’s not fake. But I have a dark side. 

 And I have a lot of times in my life that have been really heavy and really dark and have been through a lot of difficult things. And even today, like, I feel really good today. I’m in, like, I’m in a very stable point in my life right now, but it ebbs and flows and I’ve made a ton of progress in my mental health struggles over the last few years, but progress, as you know, is not linear.

[00:11:28]   

 And it kind of looks like a zigzag path, much like our blog traffic right now. So I think that just doing anything that you can to become a little bit more self aware and really take a look at the reasons why you think you’re struggling with these issues and, and really just observing yourself and your patterns can be really, really helpful in navigating that.

[00:11:55]   

 So, yeah, I guess, like, I’ll say this, that I grew up, I didn’t have a difficult child’s childhood, so to speak. You know, we all come into this world with our own levels of trauma. And, you know, the word trauma is so overused today. But I think that no matter what your life was like growing up, there were definitely some experiences, negative experiences you had that have shaped your worldview and your, you know, just the things that you struggle with today because everybody’s struggling with something.

[00:12:26]   

 I mean, that’s the reality. When you look at anyone, no matter how great they appear on the outside, they’re struggling with something on the inside. I can guarantee it. And for me, I was raised with two wonderful parents, but I also was the youngest of three children, and both of my older siblings, for lack of a better word, have special needs.

[00:12:46]   

 So I grew up being the, quote, unquote, normal child and always feeling like I didn’t want to be a burden on my parents, because I saw what they were dealing with with my siblings, and I always internalized that and took it upon myself to never express my needs or my issues or always just kind of burying things and pushing things down and pretending like everything was fine.

[00:13:13]   

 And it really wasn’t until I was in my early to mid-30s that I realized this isn’t working anymore and everything is not fine. And really acknowledging some of the things that I went through and ignored and tried to just pretend they didn’t happen and really address them head on and make changes in my life and really get serious about this.

[00:13:36]   

 I think in our adult lives, it happens to everybody at some point, some younger, some older. But you reach a point in your life where you realize that nobody is coming to rescue you and that if you have a problem or something you’re struggling with, it is on you to address it and fix it.

[00:13:53]   

 And that’s a really hard realization to come to. But it also can be really empowering when you realize that you are ultimately in control of your own life. And happiness really is an inside job. That’s something we hear all the time and different iterations of that. But it really is so true that you can change all of these external factors. It won’t do a thing if you’re not working on yourself and what’s in here. And it’s difficult, it’s not easy work, but it’s one of the most helpful and profound things that I think a person can do in their life.

[00:14:29]  Megan Porta 

 Wow. Oh, gosh. That was all, like, I had to fight back tears a few times. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. And isn’t it funny how. Because we have a younger son too, Our older son has special needs and. Oh, gosh, I worry about him. I actually worry more about our younger son because he goes through. I know he shoves things down and we try to get stuff out of him like, come on, you gotta talk. And he just will not. So. And that’s something that you just can’t prepare for in your life. You know, like, you don’t anticipate going into your adulthood. And like, oh, I shoved things down because my older sibling got the most of the attention.

[00:15:11]   

 You know, like we. And like you said earlier, we all have those things, but they present differently. All of our experiences and childhoods are different. So on some level, I think we’re all on the same page. We’re all dealing with something that rises to the surface eventually as an adult, and we’re having to get through it. And it’s like you said, it’s on us, it’s on you, it’s on me. So good for you. So once you kind of realized, okay, I need to work on this, how did things go after that?

[00:15:43]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yeah, so I’ll say, like, the two main things I struggle with personally are anxiety and depression. And the anxiety got to a point for me where I was having regular panic attacks. I couldn’t get them under control. And that’s when I really knew that, like, I needed to do something to really make a change.

[00:15:59]   

 Like, this was something I could not continue with anymore. It was literally unbearable. And anyone who’s ever gone through that, like, you get it. So I. It’s been a journey, you know, trying different things. I think there’s a lot of conventional wisdom out there that anyone who struggled with these things and tried to get help is used to hearing just the, okay, go to therapy, you know, exercise more. All of these things that in practice are actually much more difficult than they seem. When someone gives that advice, like, for exercise, I feel like the people who are always saying, just go exercise and you won’t be depressed anymore have never been depressed. And exercise is something that is a really important part of my life.

[00:16:44]   

 It’s something I commit to on a regular basis. But when I’m feeling really low and depressed, it is quite literally one of the most difficult things to get up and do. Similarly with therapy, I’ve not had luck with therapy, and I think that it can be such a powerful and helpful tool for the right person and for the right connection with a therapist and circumstances.

[00:17:06]   

 But there are so many difficult things about finding a therapist and getting to therapy and developing that relationship that people don’t talk about. I mean, first of all, there’s the insurance issue and the location and the appointments and timing and finding a person you feel compatible with and is actually qualified to help your specific needs and having to go through your whole personal history and things that are affecting you with a therapist only to realize this isn’t working out and have to start over with someone new.

[00:17:38]   

 Didn’t work for me. I think if it can for you, that’s wonderful. What has worked for me is a combination of self help content. We’ll say, because books, podcasts, social media accounts, newsletters, all of those things combined with a really strong journaling practice. Journaling has, hands down changed my life. And I think a lot of these self help books and all of this content, it’s great in theory to read it and we think about it and okay, that’s great, that’s nice. But you really have to put it into practice and you really have to consciously make an effort to work on these things day in and day out and think about it, or else it’s not really going to be impactful at all. And for me, journaling has really been a way to put those things into practice.

[00:18:30]   

 And I try to journal every single morning. I do it on my computer, I do it just in a notes app. I’m trying to actually find a better system for this, but right now it’s just in the Apple Notes app. If you want to write by hand, I think that’s great too. I think over the years, my handwriting muscles have pretty much atrophied, so that’s really difficult for me.

[00:18:52]   

 I’m a really fast typer typist, so that’s, that’s just what works for me. But I just brain dump. I just go into my journal every morning and I just dump everything that I’m thinking about. And I find that so much more powerful than speaking to somebody. Because you’re able to address things right then and there in the moment when you’re thinking about them, versus if you have.

[00:19:14]   

 Maybe you have therapy next week at 4:00, but you’re thinking about things right now and you need to get things off of your chest right now. Also versus speaking to maybe a friend or a close person. Like that can get a little tricky too, because you might not want to overshare with certain people and maybe it’s a conflict you’re having with another friend or a family member and you don’t want to talk about them with someone else.

[00:19:36]   

 Your journal is your safe space to be able to go there and just speak about anything however you want, even the things that we feel inside. Like, we all feel like icky things that you think about a situation or a person or something. Or you’re like, you don’t really want to say that out loud, but you’re thinking it and you’re feeling it and it’s okay to put it down, it’s valid.

[00:19:58]   

 And being able to just get it off of your chest and write it down somewhere is so, so, so powerful. And one thing that’s also really been helpful for me is I save all of my journals and I go back in and I read them. When I’m having a really down time, I will actually go back a couple years and kind of find the same time of year and go back and read my old journals.

[00:20:20]   

 And what you read is so crazy because you’ll you’ll notice two things, right? You’ll notice things in your life, like things that you were praying for and hoping for that have come true and things that you wanted. So just a few years ago, you realize you actually have in your life now. And reading about just how you felt about them in that moment, at that time makes you feel so grateful in that moment that you’re not there anymore.

[00:20:46]   

 You’re here now, and it just kind of reminds you of how far you actually have come, because it’s so easy to forget. But on the other side of that, it tells you the things that you were still struggling with. So maybe you’re having issues with a friend or a family member that you didn’t realize have actually been going on for that long, and it can kind of prompt you to make some changes because you’re like, wow, this was a problem four years ago, and it’s still something we’re dealing with today.

[00:21:19]   

 Something’s got to change. So, yeah, it’s been really powerful for me for those two reasons. And I have some different prompts that I use sometimes, too. If I’m not.

[00:21:28]  Megan Porta 

 I would love to learn what those are. Do you have kind of a standard set of prompts that you use, or does it depend on the day and what you’re feeling, or how do you go about that?

[00:21:39]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yeah, I kind of have a standard set of prompts, but I don’t always fill them all out. It depends on my day, and it depends on what I happen to be dealing with on that particular occasion. So I’ll. I have them written down. I’ll rattle them off to you.

[00:21:51]  Megan Porta 

 I’d love to hear them.

[00:21:53]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yeah, great one. You know, everyone should be journaling at minimum, just things they’re grateful for. It’s so powerful. Yeah, and I try to vary them. Right. It’s easy to just be like, oh, my family, my home, whatever. Try to get really granular and think about things that are really specific and vary them every single day. So you’re always trying to think of different things. That’s a big one. Then I try to journal about. What will I focus on today? Big one is, what will I let go of today? Ooh, that one’s been. Yeah, that one’s been really helpful. What do I want to manifest today? How can this be easy? Daily affirmation. So I am blank. And then the best case scenario for today. So especially when things just aren’t feeling great, it’s nice to go on and journal about, like, what would today look like if it was just the greatest day ever and everything went my way.

[00:22:50]  Megan Porta 

 Yeah. Wow. Okay. Those are amazing prompts. And you said you do this absolutely every day. Is there any ever a day that you miss? And if so, how do you feel when you miss?

[00:23:00]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yeah, I mean, I, I give myself a break on the weekends and. Or if a day is just particularly busy and sometimes I don’t get to it, I’m at a place now where I’ve been doing it for so long that I do give myself grace with it. And that’s something, you know, in general when you’re not feeling great or just running a business is so hard.

[00:23:18]   

 Like, give yourself grace. I’m sure other people can relate to this, but like when I’m feeling low, when I’m struggling with my mental health, like the self loathing comes on so hard and just giving yourself grace in those moments, just be like, it’s okay if you didn’t get these things done. It’s fine.

[00:23:38]   

 Like, just give yourself a break. Be easy on yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Like talk to yourself like you’re the younger version of yourself or like you’re a child. And it sounds silly at first, but sometimes that’s what we really need, you know, you just need to be a bit gentler.

[00:23:54]  Megan Porta 

 Yeah. Be more kind to ourselves for sure. Everyone’s so incredibly rude to themselves. Myself included. I’m terrible. I’m. I catch myself saying some things that I’m like, oh my gosh, I would not say that to anyone in the world, but I will say it to myself.

[00:24:13]  Coley Gaffney 

 Exactly. It’s so true.

[00:24:15]  Sponsor 

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[00:24:45]  Megan Porta

Okay, so journaling helps you a ton. And then you said you exercise regularly. I want to ask you about how this applies to blogging because as you all know, blogging is no joke. It’s kind of a lot. But first I want to see if there’s anything else you do semi regularly to kind of help you through. Just kind of stay proactive, I guess, with staying on top of issues.

[00:25:08]  Coley Gaffney 

 Those are kind of the regular things that I do. I think having some kind of a framework for viewing life, whether that’s through religion, some kind of spirituality that hasn’t always really worked for me personally, but I’ve been really drawn to philosophy. Particularly stoic philosophy has really become a pretty profound part of my life in the last few years. It just gives me a really clear. Yeah. A clear lens for viewing the world and things that happen around me. And, you know, the basis of it is kind of just focus on things that you can control. And it’s so much harder to put into practice than it sounds like. They make These things sound really simple. It’s not, but it’s something I always just try to come back to and remember that, like, you can really only worry about the things that are within your control.

[00:25:57]  Megan Porta 

 And you can add those to your affirmations. Right. And your journaling.

[00:26:00]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yes, exactly. And the other thing I want to say is I’m not here to give out medical advice at all, but see a doctor. If you really are struggling, you really should see a doctor and just talk about what’s going on. Explore possibly getting on medication. For me personally, I avoided that for such a long time because I just thought I could do it on my own and I was gonna be fine and I didn’t need any of that. I finally caved and went to the doctor and explored that, and it was life changing for me.

[00:26:32]  Megan Porta 

 Oh, I love that.

[00:26:34]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yeah. It was like I was wearing a pair of fogged up glasses. And then when I went on medication, it’s like someone took a cleaner and just cleared off the lenses and I was suddenly able to see the world in a clearer light where before it just had this, like, pessimistic fog over it where I had this negative view of everything.

[00:26:54]   

 And this just sort of lifted that for me. And it’s been really, really helpful. And I kind of kick myself for having suffered for so long just because I had this feeling of I don’t need it and I’m better than that. And the reality is I’m not, and that’s fine.

[00:27:08]  Megan Porta 

 Yeah, we’re all different. And that actually kind of helps me to see things from another perspective too. So if it’s not you, but maybe somebody else has a more negative lens on the world consistently, and it’s driving you crazy, consider that they might be having some mental health struggles. So grace for them as well.

[00:27:29]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yeah, absolutely. And there’s so many different avenues to explore with medication. It’s not just SSRIs. There’s so many different things you can do. And also, like, get testing, like, get your hormones checked. Like, this could be coming from different things. So it’s Just important to actually speak with a medical professional about some different things that you can be doing to possibly help yourself.

[00:27:51]  Megan Porta 

 Yes. Love that disclaimer. Okay, let’s get real now with blogging, because blogging on its own is no joke. Mental health issues are no joke. Put them together and it can be a little bit of a tricky situation. So, yeah, like, how has that gone for you? Have you. I’ll just ask. I’ll leave it at that. How has that gone for you, Coley?

[00:28:12]  Coley Gaffney 

 It’s hard. It’s really hard. When you are not feeling like your best self, it is really, really hard to motivate yourself to do this work because there’s no boss, there’s nobody telling you you have to do this. There’s. It’s on you, it’s 100% on you to show up and do the work. And it’s a lot of work, as we all know.

[00:28:36]   

 One tactic that I’ve kind of developed or used when I’m in this state. So when I sit at my computer and I just have this mile long to do list, I get paralyzed and I just kind of stare into space and I don’t know where to start and I’ll just do anything I can to procrastinate.

[00:28:54]   

 One thing I started to do, and I can’t remember where I heard this advice, if it was maybe Brene Brown or Mel Robbins, it was a long time ago, but is to practice making promises to yourself. And this doesn’t just apply to blogging. It can apply to really anything that you want to do.

[00:29:12]   

 But what it does is it kind of builds a confidence and a trust in yourself that can kind of put that forward motion into gear. So an example would be if a friend says they’re going to pick you up at the airport and then they don’t show up and they’re like, well, I just was tired, I didn’t feel like it. You’ve completely lost trust in that friend and you’re never going to ask them to pick you up at the airport or do anything ever again. And the same thing happens to yourself. So when you say I’m going to do these five things and then you don’t do those five things, you feel really bad about yourself and you start to erode that trust.

[00:29:48]   

 And I don’t think any, like, I don’t think we really think about it that way, but it’s so true. So I know when days go by and my to do list just continues to get longer and longer and I’m not accomplishing the things that I set out to in the morning, it makes me feel really bad about myself, and it just makes this worse, and it makes it harder and harder and harder to get started.

[00:30:08]   

 So what I do is I start by making really, really, really tiny promises to myself. And then over time, those things will kind of build, and it kind of boosts your confidence and makes you feel a little bit better about yourself because you actually did what you said you were going to do, and it just puts that in motion, and, like, a body in motion stays in motion.

[00:30:30]   

 So I feel like once I get going, then I kind of get my mojo back, and then I can kind of like, just propel myself into a better state of mind and a better workflow. So an example would be, like, start with like, the tiniest, tiniest, tiniest thing you can think of. So if it’s like, just edit one photo. Or like…

[00:30:54]  Megan Porta 

I was going to say that. Edit a photo. That’s funny.

[00:30:56]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yeah. Or like, just respond to an email or answer a comment. Like just one tiny, tiny, tiny thing. Like, make it the easiest thing possible and just set it at that. Like, just say, I’m going to do this one thing and accomplish that one thing, and then just build on that as time goes.

[00:31:14]   

 It’s the same thing like with exercise, you know, just say, I’m going to go stretch for five minutes. That’s it. And just start to build that habit. Start to kind of make a positive connection in your brain that by doing this task, it made me feel good. It gives you that little hit of dopamine or serotonin.

[00:31:33]   

 I don’t know what it is, but it does something to your brain that makes you feel good about the fact that you just kept a promise to yourself. And over time, by doing those small little things, it builds up this trust and this confidence within yourself that makes you want to keep doing it more.

[00:31:49]   

 And that’s something that’s really worked for me to just kind of just get started. And then once I’m in the flow, then I’m in the flow and things are great. But getting there is so hard sometimes.

[00:31:59]  Megan Porta 

 It is. I know. And what you talked about earlier, that grace plays a huge role with this as well. Because if you can’t have that patience and grace while you’re building it back up, then spiral. Right? I mean, I’ve spiraled out of control before, and then I feel like I can’t do anything. Like, I can’t even start. It’s way too hard.

[00:32:20]  Coley Gaffney 

 Exactly.

[00:32:21]  Megan Porta 

 Way too monumental to even start.

[00:32:23]  Coley Gaffney 

 Exactly. So Just start really, really small. I know you’re also a big fan of James Clear and Atomic Habits. Oh, gosh, that’s a great book to read. And I also. I love to throw on like an audiobook or a podcast, yours included. Those mindset and self care episodes are so helpful. Just throw something like that on and go about my day and do whatever I need to do, but just kind of having those positive words of affirmation and just positive thoughts and you just have such a calm, lovely voice and way about you, Megan. Like, seriously, you’ve helped me so much. So just know that I know you’re helping so many other people too.

[00:33:03]  Megan Porta 

 Oh, thank you. Yeah, I’m so happy to hear that because sometimes I do feel like I’m kind of speaking into the void with those. I get feedback, but not a ton, so it’s nice to hear. And those. By the way, creating those mindset episodes have been therapy for me. That’s been my therapy this year. So journaling for you. But for me, it’s kind of journaling too, because I write a huge outline and it’s almost always based on what I’m going through. I don’t know if I. I say that sometimes in the episodes, but when you listen to a mindset episode, Megan has gone through that recently. So you know exactly how my year’s going.

[00:33:43]  Coley Gaffney 

 No, I think. I think it’s definitely clear because you wouldn’t be able to say those things if they weren’t coming from someplace deep within you in a personal experience. And I think that’s what makes them so powerful, is that I do know that you’re going through something similar and your vulnerability has really been just so meaningful to be able to hear those things. I can’t say enough. Good stuff really.

[00:34:08]  Megan Porta 

 That’s so awesome. Thank you for saying that. And I want to touch on social media because I know for people who tend to struggle with anxiety and depression, social media can be a, you know, one of those things that just doesn’t fit in. It doesn’t feel good. I know that there are people who can make it feel good. And for those people, like, I’m truly. You’re awesome. But I’ve been at a place where it’s like I can’t even look at what people are doing. I don’t want to go on social media. I hate it at times.

[00:34:39]  Coley Gaffney 

 Hate it. Yeah.

[00:34:40]  Megan Porta 

 So tell me about your journey with social media?

[00:34:43]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yeah. So this is a whole other can of worms, but in 2014, I went on a reality TV show called the Next Food Network star. And that just totally blew up my social media in a way that was really crazy, especially on a local level. I just had so many people knowing who I was and stopping me at the grocery store, and it was a wild experience. I can come back on and talk about that another time.

[00:35:07]  Megan Porta 

 Ooh.

[00:35:08]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yeah. But my. It just kind of changed my relationship with social media overnight and just made it a much stranger place to be on. And over the course of many years, I was trying so hard to make it work for my blog, to get traffic, to grow my presence and my followers and everything, and I was just getting nowhere.

[00:35:28]   

 And I was still working part time. I had another business, I was doing all kinds of other things, and I had such limited time and resources to put into blogging that I decided, you know what, what if I just don’t do this at all and focus on other things and see what happens?

[00:35:42]   

 So I have put all of my eggs essentially into the SEO basket, which now, during this current update, I’m finding out maybe, you know, isn’t the best tactic. And I’m not saying it is, but by. I think I abandoned social media pretty much. Like, I looked back at my last Instagram post. I posted a couple things like when I went on vacation this summer, but my last, like, blog related post was from 2021.

[00:36:09]   

 So it was many, many years ago. And my blog has just continued to climb.

[00:36:16]  Megan Porta 

 That’s awesome.

[00:36:17]  Coley Gaffney 

 Knock on wood.

[00:36:18]  Megan Porta 

 Yeah. Oh, and it will. It will.

[00:36:20]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yeah. And it just, it gave me permission to focus on something else rather than social media. Because it’s day in and day out, I’m showing up to engage with other people and to post my content. And at the same time, you’re being bombarded with politics and people that you know and family drama. And just like all of these other things, it gets so overwhelming. And for me, it gave me so much anxiety. And when things started to really heat up politically and there was lots of tension going on in our country, I don’t like to speak about these things publicly, but I started to feel like I needed to and I felt this real push pull of what was the right thing to do. Like, I’m bad if I’m silent, but I’m bad if I speak up. And I just hated that. And I decided to step away. And it’s been really positive for me, for my mental health, and it hasn’t really hurt my blog too much. I’m at a point now where I keep saying, I got to get back in.

[00:37:22]   

 I got to get back in, you know, I need to start diversifying my traffic and all these things. But every time I say I’m going to dip my toe back into the water, I just hear someone wanting to abandon it altogether because it’s just not working. And the algorithm changed again and there’s all of these different issues and problems and TikTok’s getting going away or just there’s always something crazy happening with social media. And I’m like, is it even worth it to try? I don’t know, but I’m just putting this out there to tell people. I think there’s so many people who are like, I’m doing it. I hate it. I don’t want to do it. It’s not working for me. This is kind of my. Me just giving you permission to just try not engaging with it anymore and just seeing how it works out.

[00:38:04]   

 You know, especially if you’ve been blogging for a long time and you have had a long social media presence, I think it’s okay to step away for a little bit because, you know, Google the Internet, like, people still know you exist, you still have a social media presence, even if you’re not posting every day, you know, and on the contrary, if you love it and it brings you a lot of joy and you love engaging with your community and, and making reels and all of that, like, awesome, I wish I was like that.

[00:38:31]   

 But it’s just. It’s not for everybody. And, you know, personally, I don’t know what’s going to happen with it long term. I just think it’s going in a weird direction right now, and I’m very curious to see where we’re at in another five to 10 years with social media.

[00:38:46]  Megan Porta 

 For sure. Yeah. It’s so up in the air with that whole TikTok debacle. It was like, wait, it’s being thrown into outer space? Wait, no, it’s not. Wait. I mean, it was just like, oh, my gosh, I can’t even. I don’t even want to keep up with this. I’m not even on TikTok. And I’m like, I don’t want to hear about it anymore.

[00:39:03]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yeah. And I feel so bad for the creators who have built these massive platforms just to have it taken away in a heartbeat. My gosh. So, I mean, at the end of the day, we own our websites, we own our email list, so we owe it to ourselves to invest as much of ourselves into that as we can.

[00:39:23]   

 That’s at least my opinion. Different things work for different people. That’s what has worked for me. But social media, it just scares me. But I think if it’s not working for you and you feel like it’s stressing you out more than anything else, just, like, try to step away and see how that makes you feel and what happens as a result. It’s worth experimenting, even just a week.

[00:39:43]  Megan Porta 

 I mean, just try a week. Nothing is going to happen in a week or two weeks.

[00:39:48]  Coley Gaffney 

 Absolutely not. And another thing, like, you don’t need to hop back on. Like, you don’t need to make some grand announcement that you’re leaving and you don’t need to hop back on and be like, I’m back. I took. Literally, nobody cares. Like, no one’s paying attention. They didn’t even know you were gone.

[00:40:01]   

 Like, I promise, everybody’s so wrapped up in their own world, in their own feed, and who’s getting shown what posts anyway? I mean, trust me, barely anyone will notice that you went anywhere.

[00:40:14]  Megan Porta 

 It’s so true. I have talked a little bit about this before, but I took a break from my blog, my whole business, last summer after Flavor Media actually just experienced a little bit of burnout. And that was early May. I didn’t touch my blog from the end of April or anything. Like, literally, I didn’t touch anything in my business from the end of April to the end of July.

[00:40:37]   

 And you would think that you’d come back and like, something would have exploded or like, I don’t know, disastrous things would have happened. But guess what? It was all intact. Everything was fine. My traffic actually went up a little bit. All of these kind of weird surprises happened.

[00:40:54]  Coley Gaffney 

 That’s amazing.

[00:40:55]  Megan Porta 

 I know. I kept up with my, with my emails and I posted on social media for Eat Blog Talk. Just the episodes. But yeah, you can actually step away. It’s a thing. You are allowed to do that as much as you want.

[00:41:08]  Coley Gaffney 

 True.

[00:41:08]  Megan Porta 

 Yeah.

[00:41:09]  Coley Gaffney 

 And that is the beauty of this business. Like, that is arguably the coolest thing about running a food blog, is that you can step away and it will most likely be totally fine. And that’s. There’s not many other businesses that you can say that about.

[00:41:25]  Megan Porta 

 It’s really not show up at work for two months.

[00:41:28]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yes. And still. Right. And still make income, still get a paycheck. Like, that’s crazy. Like, that is so cool. And I do have to pinch myself sometimes and remember that it’s really lucky to be doing this. It really is. Yeah. And I’m grateful for it every day. Even through all of the ups and downs. I always have to remind myself that. That you’re really lucky to show up and get to do what you do every day.

[00:41:51]  Megan Porta 

 For sure. That’s going in the Gratitude Journal tomorrow morning.

[00:41:54]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yes.

[00:41:55]  Megan Porta 

 Yes. Okay. Let’s talk a little bit about the. Just blogging being such a long game. I say this all the time. People come in and I witness, you know, like, I’ve been here for two years, and I’m just not making traction. And I’m like, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is a long, long, long game. You come in knowing that especially if you have mental health, health struggles, that you deal with it, it feels longer than long. So just having that awareness. And I know that you’re aligned with this too, Coley. So talk about that. Just the long game of it.

[00:42:31]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yeah, I mean, I. I started. I started taking my blog pretty seriously after I was on Food Network Star in about 2015 or so. I started making YouTube videos. I was posting really regularly, and I was just not getting the traction. Like, I was so invested in pumping out content, but I didn’t know what I was doing with marketing or SEO or Pinterest or anything.

[00:42:55]   

 And it just wasn’t getting anywhere. And as a result, like, I wound up doing different things. And like you said, you put your blog, like, totally on the back burner for months and months and months at a time. I did it for years, and it didn’t implode. I opened up a smoothie shop and ran that for a little while.

[00:43:16]   

 I wrote a cookbook about smoothie bowls, which. That’s a whole other story. I worked on QVC, selling different products for a little while and just had my hand in all of these different little pots, and they were bringing in income. My blog really wasn’t. I went through different phases where I was, like, heavily involved with sponsorships and doing sponsored content, and that’s where I was making most of my income.

[00:43:39]   

 But over time, I just. I believed in it, and I knew that it was something that could eventually work, and I owed it to myself to kind of just try. And little by little, I just chipped away at little things. I educated myself. I learned. I had some audits done. I worked with a couple different experts and just invested as much as I could into it, and it paid off.

[00:44:02]   

 And in 20… The end of 2023, I finally felt comfortable with my ad income enough to quit everything else that I was doing at that time and do this full time. And. And it’s scary. It’s really scary to have this be my only thing, because for so long. I did a million different things. I had all these different income streams, and right now it’s like really just ad revenue, which makes me nervous. But I guess this is all just to say that it is a long game. And I spent many, many years not knowing if any of this was going to work out, if it was worth it at all, if it was ever going to happen for me.

[00:44:42]   

 And maybe it won’t, maybe it won’t happen for some people, but I truly believe that if your heart is in it and you’re doing it for the right reasons, the right reasons being that you love it and that you want to make an impact and that you want to teach people and you want to inspire people, the right reason can’t necessarily be, I want to make money.

[00:45:04]   

 I think if you’re really invested in doing this because you love it. Like, I started this blog as a hobby because I loved it and I wanted to share my recipes with people. I wanted to document my family recipes that were just sort of floating around out there and no one had ever written down.

[00:45:19]   

 And like, all of these different reasons that I wanted to be a food blogger, have a food blog that was separate from the money. I kept doing it because of that. And then eventually it became a real, true, viable business that now I’m treating as such and trying to grow as best as I can.

[00:45:36]   

 So this is all just to say that if it’s not working for you and you’re chugging along and just things don’t seem to be happening, just go back to remembering your why and think about that and kind of detach a little bit from the money. I know that’s really hard when the money’s not coming in and it’s a lot of work, but if you need to do something on the side, do something on the side or get another job or do whatever you have to do to pay the bills.

[00:46:02]   

 But if you love doing this, don’t give it up. Just keep going. And if you don’t have the time to work on it now, you don’t need to sell your blog, you don’t need to close up shop. Like, just keep putting in the minimum to, you know, pay for your hosting or whatever it is and just hang on to it and see what happens and it might really surprise you one day.

[00:46:22]  Megan Porta 

 There’s nothing I can even say. Coley, that was so beautifully said. How perfect. And I think this is. I know this is something that so many people need to hear now during these times when it just feels. Feels so volatile and uncertain, not just with social media, but with Google and Pinterest now is shaken around and it’s like, yeah, it just feels like we’re in a massive earthquake and we don’t know when things are going to settle, if they ever will.

[00:46:53]   

 So now more than ever, this message that you just so beautifully delivered is super important. I say, mark, when Coley started talking about the long game mark it, and go back and listen to that every day if you need to. If you’re struggling with just feeling like I want to throw my business into the ocean because that was so encouraging.

[00:47:15]  Coley Gaffney 

 Oh, good. And let me just say this, we can close on this. My thoughts about recipe websites, specifically in relation to AI. I truly, genuinely believe in my heart that people will always, always, always want to learn recipes and cooking and about food from real people. I do not think this is something that AI can take over.

[00:47:39]   

 I think maybe if your niche is really specific macros and really heavily diet specific or something that AI can just spit something out. And maybe these people aren’t super worried about taste and they’re bodybuilders. I don’t know, maybe that could be threatened. But think when you’re making these recipes from your grandmother or from the heart, people are always going to want that. I really, truly believe that AI can never take over this job. So I hope I’m never proven wrong, but that is just what I’m sticking with.

[00:48:14]  Megan Porta 

 I agree and I’ve heard other people say that as well. Even experts are like, yeah, the food niche is really hard to hack, I guess as an AI robot. But yeah, that’s really comforting to hear you say that. But I just want to say thank you for sharing this story. I know it wasn’t easy for you, but I know you’re going to help so many people by doing so. So thank you, Coley, for showing up.

[00:48:35]  Coley Gaffney 

 You’re so welcome. And I really, really hope this did help somebody out there.

[00:48:38]  Megan Porta 

 For sure it will. I know you’ve already sent us so many words of inspiration, but do you have a favorite quote or words of inspiration to leave us with?

[00:48:47]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yeah, I do. So this comes from someone named Young Pueblo, if you’re familiar with him. He’s a writer, he has several books out. He’s a great follow on Instagram. He has a great newsletter that he sends out his words. His books have been really helpful and meaningful to me. So this quote is from him.

[00:49:07]   

He said, “how do you get through tough moments? Do not trust the way that you see yourself when your mind is turbulent and Remember that even pain is temporary. Honor your boundaries. Treat yourself gently. Let go of perfection and feel your emotions without letting them control you. You have enough experience to face the storm and evolve.”

[00:49:27]  Megan Porta 

 Wow. Another beautiful contribution to this chat. And this is super ironic, but two hours ago I got into the car with my husband and he was listening to a podcast and I saw Young Pueblo pop up on the screen. I’ve never heard of it before. So when you said that, I was like, what? That’s crazy.

[00:49:50]  Coley Gaffney 

 Oh, she’s so great. Yeah, definitely. Check them out. Great follow.

[00:49:54]  Megan Porta 

 Yeah, that’s a sign for me to go scope it out. So thank you for sharing that. We’ll put together a show notes page for you, Coley, so if anyone wants to go check that out, we’ll have everything we talked about today. You can head to eatblogtalk.com/coleycooks remind everyone where they can find you, Coley, if they want to go look at your blog.

[00:50:15]  Coley Gaffney 

 Yeah, so my blog is Coley Cooks. It’s spelled C, O, L, E, Y. Then Cooks. We can all spell that. My name is just short for Nicole. Some people might know me as Nicole. I used to kind of go by Nicole Gaffney more professionally, but I’m sticking with Coley because that’s always been my nickname and it just feels more like me.

[00:50:33]   

 You can email me [email protected] that’s the best way to reach me. I would love for you to reach out to me if something I said here resonates with you and you’re just looking for someone to talk to or want some help. Like, please reach out. I’d be more than happy to to just chat and hear from you.

[00:50:50]   

 And of course you can reach out on social media too. I don’t have the apps on my phone anymore, but I do check. I do check on my computer here and there and like, I’m engaged in some of the Facebook groups and things a little bit just to kind of stay on top of stuff, but I’m not on there super heavily. If you want to chat, definitely send me an email.

[00:51:09]  Megan Porta 

 Awesome. Well, thank you for all of that and again, thanks for being here. Thank you for listening, food bloggers. I will see you next time.

[00:51:20]  Outro

If you enjoyed this topic, you’ll also love the episode. I recommend in the show notes. Click on the episode description to find the link. Thank you and I will see you next time.