Episode 754: The Weight of Should’s (Mindset & Self-Care)

EBT754 – The Weight of Should’s

Intro  00:01

Hey food bloggers. Thank you so much for joining me in this mindset and self-care focused episode here on Eat Blog Talk. One of the reasons I started a blog talk was to hold a space to talk about the importance of mindset and self-care. Being an entrepreneur can be a lot. If we are not taking care of ourselves, then getting actionable information about SEO Pinterest or whatever else is all moot. I will meet you back here every Wednesday to discuss various mindset and self-care topics. So you have the energy and space to tackle the rest.

[00:00:33]   Megan Porta

Hello friends. Welcome back to the podcast. Today we’re going to talk about something kind of heavy. I know these episodes can get heavy at times and I’m assuming that you know the weight of this as well. And it is the weight of shoulds. I should be a better mom. I should be more organized.

[00:00:53]   

I should be a better entrepreneur. I should grow my business faster. I should be more grateful. I should run my business this way. Or I should run my business like they do. Do I should show up on social media more or do video more? I should go back to school because my family thinks I should.

[00:01:12]   

So many shoulds run through our brains. I feel like all the time, every should feels like a little pebble tossed in your backpack. One little pebble. At first it doesn’t seem like much. What can one pebble do that’s going to hurt you until one day you notice that you’re carrying a backpack full of pebbles.

[00:01:32]   

It’s a load so heavy that you can barely stand up straight anymore. All of those little things, all of those little shoulds add up over time. If this sounds familiar to you, you are in the right place. Because today I want to talk about why the shoulds can feel so crushing and how we can begin to set them down.

[00:01:52]   

I will never forget a season when my life looked like a giant checklist of shoulds. I should stay at my corporate job for the paycheck. I should stay at my corporate job for the health insurance. I should be grateful for this job. I should show up perfectly for my kids, for my husband, for everyone.

[00:02:11]   

I was checking off all the boxes, all the should boxes. Yet I was feeling totally depleted, exhausted beyond words, crabby all the time. Not just with my co workers, but with my family, with everyone, and secretly resentful of the place I’d gotten to in my life. Then came the day. It was time to go back to work.

[00:02:34]   

After maternity leave, after having my youngest son, Sammy, who’s now 15, the heaviness I felt in my body said it all. It was trying to tell me, this is not how you’re supposed to feel, Megan. So I started questioning those shoulds. Why? Why should I stay? Isn’t there another place to get a paycheck and health insurance?

[00:02:59]   

Why should I trade my peace for someone else’s definition of success or for someone else’s definition of what I should be doing? Once I started questioning everything, things changed for the better. Because I realized I wasn’t living my life anymore. I was living everyone else’s expectations of what I should do. And I didn’t need to do that.

[00:03:27]   

Shoulds are heavy because they don’t belong to you. They’re none of your business. They are borrowed rules from society, from family, from comparison, from fear. And when you live by them, you end up performing instead of living, going through the motions instead of being who you truly are. Here’s a good reframe to think through.

[00:03:52]   

Every should is actually an invitation. An invitation to pause and ask yourself, do I actually want this? Does this belong to me? Or is this just noise? When you swap should for want, the load gets so much lighter. You start noticing the difference between pressure and desire and between duty and truth. And that is where you can start to get the freedom that you desire so much.

[00:04:24]   

Here’s a really simple practice you can try today. When you catch yourself saying or thinking I should just stop and trade it with I want or I choose and then finish that thought and see how it feels. For example, instead of I should really go for a run, you could try I want to move my body today and a walk feels good.

[00:04:52]   

Or instead of I should post on social media. I think that’s one we can all say very often. You could try instead. I choose to share because I feel excited about this recipe or this situation in my life that I want to share about. Or instead of I should be grateful, try. I want to notice what’s already good and to feel that goodness in my body and my soul.

[00:05:20]   

If the sentence that you say feels false or forced, that’s your clue that it’s not actually yours to carry. For me, this practice became real after maternity leave. I swapped the should. I should stay at this corporate job for the want, which is I want time, freedom. I want to work for myself so I can be home with my family on my terms.

[00:05:43]   

That single shift changed the entire trajectory of my life. If you want to take it deeper, write down three shoulds you’ve been carrying around with you. They might come to mind as we’re talking right now. Ask yourself if they belong, then rewrite them as wants or even no no thank yous. I am going to end by telling you this.

[00:06:06]   

You were not meant to live a life of shoulds. You are meant to live a life of total truth. My memoir, Take the Exit is full of the messy, funny, very imperfect at times, stories of how I learned to lay down the shoulds and start listening to what was really mine. If you have felt crushed under the weight of expectations, this book is your permission slip to set your backpack down and try something different.

[00:06:39]   

If you go to eatblogtalk.com/taketheeexit you can join the list so you’ll get sneak peeks, early details and the chance to pre order. Remember, you are not broken, you are blooming like the most beautiful flower in your garden and the moment you swap should for truth, the weight will start to lift and you’ll find that freedom that you really desire.

[00:07:05]   

Okay, thank you for listening. I’ll see you back here next time.

Outro 

Thank you so much for listening to this mindset and self care episode. These mindset episodes are now available on YouTube, so watch it over there. Search Eat Blog Talk on YouTube and we’ll see you there.