Episode 715: When You’re The One Who Needs To Change (Mindset & Self-Care)

EBT715 – When You’re The One Who Needs To Change

Intro  00:01

Hey food bloggers. Thank you so much for joining me in this mindset and self-care focused episode here on Eat Blog Talk. One of the reasons I started a blog talk was to hold a space to talk about the importance of mindset and self-care. Being an entrepreneur can be a lot. If we are not taking care of ourselves, then getting actionable information about SEO Pinterest or whatever else is all moot. I will meet you back here every Wednesday to discuss various mindset and self-care topics. So you have the energy and space to tackle the rest.

[00:00:34] Megan Porta   

Hello food bloggers. How is it going this week and today? I hope you’re doing great. Thanks for tuning into this mindset and self care focused episode of Eat Blog Talk. Today we are going to talk about that question: Are you the one who needs to change? I have been such an observer of myself recently in an attempt to just make positive changes in my life and in my business business and one of the things I’ve noticed is that I’m wrong most of the time.

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It’s weird to say that because I definitely did not feel this way even a few years ago. You know that saying there are two sides to every story? That is the truth.

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If you have two friends, for example, who are in a disagreement with one another and each of them pulls you aside to tell you their side of the story or the situation, you can likely find compassion for both of them in both of their stories, even though they completely disagree and they’re on entirely different sides of the situation, whatever that might be.

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Every single person carries a unique set of values, beliefs and experiences with them, along with a different level of consciousness. This is the thing that I have been trying to keep in mind lately when someone cuts me off in traffic, got flipped off the other day because I was doing the zipper merge like the sign told me to do.

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Or when a friend behaves a certain way, or a family member behaves a certain way. Or maybe someone who you love doesn’t behave in a way that you think they should be behaving.

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Every single person carries a unique set of values, beliefs and experiences with them, along with different levels of consciousness. This means that given their unique perspective, they are right. Which means I can drop the need to be right all the time. Right? Do you know how hard this is when it’s me and a tired teenager arguing about bedtime?

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Our oldest son, Elijah, has always needed more sleep than most people. My husband Dan and I have been massively protective of his bedtimes for his entire life, so we come from a place of protection and love. When he’s behind schedule on sleep, we know what is going to happen the following day. If he doesn’t get enough sleep, it will be rough for him and for us, for everybody. But from his perspective, that’s not how he sees it.

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His perspective is he’s tired, he’s not thinking clearly, and we are badgering him. So the other night we were kind of going through this same situation where we had differing viewpoints on this getting to bed, and I just stopped and I thought, he’s right. So in the moment, I just dropped it. I softened and I offered him a hug.I stopped telling him to hurry and just stood by in support.

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After I did that, everything shifted. The energy of the entire room shifted. His energy shifted, my energy shifted. Granted, I do not always have a level of consciousness to have this perspective. I have lots of decades under my belt of not doing this.

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So it’s definitely a journey for me. So I thought this would be a valuable episode to pull together so we can collectively focus on ourselves instead of putting blame on others. It might be someone in your family who’s driving you crazy or pushing your buttons. Or maybe it’s a peer or a friend who you wish would just do things differently or say things differently or behave differently.

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Or maybe it’s Google or Pinterest.

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Why can’t they act like they did five years ago? Whatever it is, what if we shoulder the responsibility and change within ourselves instead of expecting others to do that? Wouldn’t things feel so much lighter in both business and in life? So let’s talk through some points on this. Number one, you don’t always have to be right.

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I think it’s a huge mindset shift to realize that two completely opposite perspectives can both be valid. Your truth does not cancel someone else’s truth out. When we insist on being right, we completely lose connection with the other side, the other human. But when we soften and drop the need to win, everything can shift.

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Just like it did with me in the bathroom the other night with Elijah when we were having different perspectives on bedtime.

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I hate. No, I’m going to use the word loathe. I loathe talking about politics. In fact, I never do it. I avoid it like the plague.

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Because most people who talk about politics think they’re right and everyone else is wrong when others try to engage them. I just think, what is the point? Two extreme viewpoints exist on any given political topic or subtopic under the sun. That is a fact, and both sides strongly believe that they are right. So who’s actually right?

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If you think about it, the answer is they both are right. Some of you listening might hate me for saying that, but it is true. So the takeaway for this point is just to practice saying they’re right to. Not out loud, necessarily, just to yourself. If you need to let that simple phrase dissolve any tension that you have with someone or a group of someones, and to instead bring compassion into the moment.

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Number two, other people are living in a different reality. That driver that flipped me off a few days ago, or the friend who goes quiet on you, or maybe the person who doesn’t show up how you think they should be showing up for you, they’re not wrong. They are just responding through their own unique lens.

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One is shaped by a lifetime of experiences, beliefs, wounds and wiring that you cannot see. Their world is not your world.

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And if you think about it, that’s kind of amazing to realize. Because if everyone’s reality is different, which it is, we can stop trying to force people into ours. And we can release that frustration of thinking if they could just see it the way I do and instead think. Of course they see it differently.

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They’re totally different humans with a different perspective instead of everything they bring to the table.

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I have been catching myself more often in these moments when someone disappoints me or does something I don’t understand, and just asking myself, what must their world look like for this to make sense? That simple question softens everything, like it did for me in the bathroom with Elijah. It also helps me to take things way less personally.

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People are not necessarily trying to hurt me or frustrate me or you. They’re often just playing out the version of the world that makes sense to them.

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A takeaway for this point. When someone triggers you, try to pause and just say they are operating from their own story. This is a reminder that we’re all doing our best, given the tools we have.

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Number three. You can lead with love, even when it’s hard, when someone is rude or dismissive to you or they’re not showing up in the way that you think they should show up, our instincts tend to match that energy, or maybe to withdraw or snap back at them. I have been there so many times, but I found that when I choose softness, in moments that feel tense or triggering, everything changes.

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Just like the bathroom scene that I spelled out for you from the other night with Elijah. I could have kept pushing him, repeating the same words, enforcing the same boundary.

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I’ve done this for so many nights, I can’t even count them. But instead, on this night, I just made the decision to pause and soften and offer a hug instead of further correction. And the entire dynamic, I feel like the whole world shifted in that instant. And I didn’t see that as a weakness.I saw it as strength.

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It’s choosing connection instead of control. It is remembering that when you’re the one feeling triggered, you still have a choice in how you show up. This doesn’t mean you have to feel like people are walking all over you or ignoring your boundaries. It just means that you lead with your heart and not with your ego. You are staying rooted in love, even if it’s not being reflected back to you.

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Because, let’s be honest, it’s not always going to be. By doing that, by leading with love, we’re inviting ourselves into a higher version of ourselves as well. And that doesn’t always happen immediately, right in the moment, but the energy we put out definitely matters. A takeaway for this point. Try choosing connection over correction in one moment this week to soften your tone, offer grace, let love lead, and just see what happens.

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Number four. Awareness is the first step toward change. You cannot change what you’re not willing to see. Lately, I’ve been in this deep phase of observing myself, like I mentioned earlier. So my reactions, my thoughts, the way I move through each day, and it has been so humbling.

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Once I really started paying attention, I began to notice patterns that I did not even know existed. For example, the tone I use with my kids sometimes when I’m tired. The story I tell myself in my head when I don’t hear back from a friend or loved one. The spiral my brain can jump into when something at work doesn’t go as I think it should have gone.

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We are all walking around with default settings that have been programmed over the years by childhood experiences, societal expectations, even past traumas.

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And until we notice what those settings are, we stay in autopilot mode. But awareness changes everything. It creates space between the trigger and your response. It allows you to say, there I go again, instead of just going there without a second thought. And when you bring light to those unconscious patterns, you’re reclaiming your power.

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And you can be so intentional. A takeaway for this point, start a daily awareness check in. You can ask yourself, what triggered me today? What story did I tell myself about it? And is that story even true?

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Even just a few minutes of reflection can open up the door to massive internal shifts. Number five. Responsibility is lighter than blame. It feels so much easier in the moment to blame someone else. Your spouse, your partner, your kid, your client, the algorithm, the platform, the world.

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But blame feels heavy. It is heavy. It keeps you stuck. It’s rooted in resentment and it gives all your power away. What I’ve been slowly learning, very imperfectly, is that taking responsibility for my own energy and my own reactions is actually lighter.

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It doesn’t mean everything is my fault or your fault, but it does mean that we hold the key to our own peace. That feels empowering. So instead of why does this keep happening to me? You could try how am I contributing to this and what can I change? And this is all definitely not about shame.

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It is more about ownership. When we stop waiting for everyone else to change and decide to be the one to make the shift, everything else begins to move as well. I have had moments recently where I’ve caught myself mid spiral, blaming a situation or a person. And then I just stop and I take a breath and I say, what is my role? That single question is a reset button.

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A takeaway for this point is next time you feel frustrated, you can just ask yourself, what can I take ownership of in this moment, with complete awareness and no blame, responsibility will set you free. This topic is kind of a heavy one. That’s all I have for you today. I just want to say, if you’re still here with me, thank you for sticking with it.This work is not easy.

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It requires so much humility, self reflection, honesty, and a willingness to drop the ego and just say, maybe I’m the one who needs to make a shift. The beautiful thing about this is that when you do that, when you actually stop yourself and make the shift, everything else in your world starts to feel lighter.

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You stop wasting energy trying to fix or control people and situations that are outside of you. You can reclaim your power. You can come back to center, and you can become a stronger, more compassionate leader in your business, in your home, and in your life in general.

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Let’s do a really quick recap of the five mindset shifts that we talked through today. 1. You don’t always have to be right. Opposing truths can be valid.

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Let go of needing to win. 2. Other people are living in a different reality. Everyone is seeing life through their own unique lens. It’s not personal.

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3. You can lead with love even when it’s hard. Softening and choosing connection can instantly shift a dynamic. 4. Awareness is the first step toward change.

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Noticing your patterns gives you the power to shift them. And 5, responsibility is lighter than blame. Owning your role in a situation is so freeing. You hold that power to change.

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This is a practice. You do not have to get it perfect. You do not have to do it every time. I certainly do not. But the more we can just notice and shift, the more peace we will create both internally and externally.

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I hope you enjoyed this episode. I hope it’s helpful and I’m so happy you listened today. Thank you for joining me here. I will see you again next week. Have a wonderful week ahead.

[00:17:08]   Outro

Thank you so much for listening to this mindset and self care episode. These mindset episodes are now available on YouTube, so watch it over there. Search Eat Blog Talk on YouTube and we’ll see you there.