Episode 493: 5 Steps To Release Business Grudges (Mindset & Self-Care) with Megan Porta

EBT493 – Release Business Grudges

Intro  00:01

Hey food bloggers. Thank you so much for joining me in this mindset and self-care focused episode here on Eat Blog Talk. One of the reasons I started Eat Blog Talk was to hold a space to talk about the importance of mindset and self care. Being an entrepreneur can be a lot. If we are not taking care of ourselves, then getting actionable information about SEO, Pinterest or whatever else is all moot. I will meet you back here every Wednesday to discuss various mindset and self care topics. So you have the energy and space to tackle the rest.

Sponsor (Kristina Cadelina)  00:38

Hello, food bloggers. Are you wanting stunning visuals that make your food creations come to life? Or do you have so much on your plate that photography is the last thing you want to think about? I’m Kristina from When Salty and Sweet Unite, and I’m a passionate food photographer ready to transform your business by providing spectacular images for your delicious recipes. I have an eye for detail, composition and food styling. Also, I’m a food blogger myself, so I understand the need for good process shots and heroes to help promote your recipe. So why outsource your food photography? It will give you time back to focus on aspects of your business that you really love. So if you’re ready to take this next step, let’s connect. Reach out to me @whensaltyandswee [email protected]. And let’s schedule a consultation so we can start to create your vision.

Megan Porta  01:34

Hey food bloggers, welcome to this self-care and mindset focused episode of Eat Blog Talk. In this episode, we are going to talk through five steps to releasing business grudges. Releasing grudges in general is really important just looking outside of our businesses and in our daily lives. You’ve probably experienced this before where small grudges that you hold against someone or something can evolve into really big grudges over time if we’re not careful. And big grudges can turn into some ugly things such as unforgiveness, resentment, cynicism, pessimism, ill health, general unhappiness, depression, anxiety, and a host of other mental struggles. If we as humans do not stay on top of they can spin wildly out of control.

Megan Porta  02:31

And unfortunately, as you know, the food blogging space lends for a large array of grudges, there are a lot of ripe grudges ready to be plucked straight from that food blogging tree. I will talk through a few examples and you will probably be able to relate to a lot of these unfortunately, there are blog comments that we don’t want to receive that are negative about our content or us, social media comments, there are peers who have found more success, or more followers or traffic than we have. There are people giving negative and unsolicited advice to us. Non bloggers who don’t believe in what we’re doing or what our visions for our businesses are who throw their negative beliefs and energy our way. There are things that are not humans that we hold grudges against as well, such as Google Updates, GA4 oh my gosh, anyone algorithm changes Google, Pinterest, Facebook, any other platform that doesn’t deliver in the way we expect them to. What about people who send unkind emails or messages that totally wreck our days? There’s AI and cookies and the threat of what that means for our businesses. We can hold grudges against those things as well. What about contractors who let us down or people who steal or misuse our content? There are products, events or services that we invest in that don’t live up to our expectations. Also our bank accounts that might make us feel like we are failing, or numbers of any kind that make us feel like we’re failing. I could go on and on. But this gives you a good idea of a handful of food blogging, grudges so kind of pick and choose and we’ll get into this in a little bit how to get started with it. Every single one of the things I just mentioned has been a mental burden or grudge to me at some point over the years. Most of these grudges for me didn’t turn into big long standing issues, except what I can think of which I’m going to talk through it in a little bit. If you have any of these business grudges, it’s vital that you replace the negative energy produced by holding the grudge with the positive energy of freedom and forgiveness. Releasing business grudges not only provide you with freedom and that feeling of forgiveness, but it also opens up space for better things to come into your business. 

Megan Porta  04:59

Things like better people, opportunities, more money, more harmony, more traffic, more just all around goodness, I am going to talk through five steps to releasing business grudges. As I talk through the steps, I will provide an example. So speaking to my biggest business grudge, so you can get an idea about how to work through this yourself. If you are driving or walking or in a place where you can’t sit at your computer or write, that’s fine, I would recommend listening through the entire episode and then coming back to it when you can sit down and write through these exercises, it’s going to be really helpful for you to be able to work through these in writing. I have created a document for you to use, if you would like to use that you can go to eatblogtalk.com/grudgeworksheet. To download it, it will provide you with a PDF file that you can type your answers into. Whether you use that or something else, it really doesn’t matter but just get writing. 

Megan Porta  06:00

Number one is defined and acknowledge the grudge. Decide which business grudge occupies the most amount of mental space for you. And start with that don’t start with many start with one and the one that bothers you the most. So you’re just going to start writing out the details of this grudge. Get as specific as you can with it and let the words flow onto your paper regardless of how negative they feel or seem. This will really help just to get the healing process started. Some questions you can think through are what is the business grudge you want to heal? Just write it down. When and how did this grudge start? How does it make you feel when you think about it? And what are your triggers, you don’t have to write through all of those. But this is a good place to start. When you’re all done. I want you to end with this statement. And be sure to write this out. I acknowledge that this grudge negatively impacts my mindset and my business. I am choosing to go through the process of releasing it in order to open up space in my business for better things. 

Megan Porta  07:08

Now to talk through my example, just to frame this and give you an idea about how I do this. Here’s what I wrote down about my business grudge, I hold a strong and long standing grudge against Facebook for not producing traction and traffic for me over the years. I don’t use the H word often. But I have always said and still say that I hate Facebook. Even the mention of the word Facebook, makes my heart sink into my toes and puts me in a sour mood. These have been my reactions for about six years now. I acknowledge that this grudge negatively impacts my business. And I am choosing to go through the process of releasing it in order to open up space in my business for better things. Yours can be longer than that it can be shorter than that. But we are just defining it and acknowledging that it exists. 

Megan Porta  08:00

Number two is write out your grudge story. You are going to start by answering this question in writing. I hold this grudge because dot dot dot. This will be an extension of your previous answer. This answer of yours should be a little bit more juicy, providing more details about why you’ve felt justified in holding the grudge. Write out as much as you feel as appropriate and don’t hold back with negativity or anything that comes out. This writing it should feel raw and real. And that is okay. Here is my example of this portion. I have been blogging for over 13 years and should have way more traction on the platform, Facebook, as well as blog traffic because of the platform than I actually do. Looking at other bloggers accounts who started well, after I did is embarrassing. My traffic and traction is abysmal in comparison. I think of all that traffic and revenue I have missed out on over the years. I am going to cut in just a little bit here because I had a revelation as I was doing this exercise. So I wrote it yesterday and set it down. And early this morning I thought oh my gosh, there’s something else going on with my grudge against Facebook. I had never made this connection before. But the thing I thought about was about six years ago, which was right around the time I started loading Facebook and holding a business grudge against it was around the same time that I was kicked out of a big Facebook group that we all know in our space. It clicked this morning. I was just like, oh my gosh, I wonder if there’s a connection with that. So I was kicked out of this group. I didn’t know why I asked to be let back in. I was told no a handful of times over the course of a year or so. And it was devastating. I use that group to get so much information to help grow my business. And this really impacted me emotionally. So I started thinking more about that. And I remembered, Facebook did really well for me through about 2017 or so which totally aligns with the story. Because I think I was removed from the group around 2018. So yes, I have this grudge because Facebook hasn’t produced traffic or traction for me in the last six years. And then pondering my writing, I really got to the bottom of what was going on here, I had no idea that this was the root of my grudge. Every single time I have thought of or heard of people talk about this group over the years, I literally have a physical reaction. I knew once I made this connection, that I needed to dig a little deeper, so I did more writing. And this is proof that writing out your grudge details is going to help you get to the bottom of what’s going on because I had been carrying this around with me for six years, and I had no idea that that connection was there. 

Megan Porta  10:59

Okay, number three is analyze your grudge story, you might need a cleansing period of time between the previous step and this one, like I did, I wrote initially, and then I came back to it. So you might need to do the same thing. You’ll probably get more out of it if you do. If you get emotional or worked up in any way, take a break, set it down and come back to it don’t feel like you need to push through it. You could do just a quick 10 minute meditation, you could take a walk outside, go eat lunch, or you might even need to come back to it the following day. What you’re going to do for this point is answer this question in writing. Using a big picture lens, here’s what I noticed about my grudge. Try to really distance yourself from the feelings when you’re evaluating what you wrote. Try to look at what you have written and thought through so far, as if it’s somebody else as if somebody else wrote it. Notice what words stand out to you. What feelings are woven into the story. Does anything you wrote seem unfair, and pull out anything else that comes to mind as you read through it. So you’re reading your previous paragraph about why you hold the grudge from a different perspective, you are doing your best to separate you from your feelings, and gather some data about what you’re reading. 

Megan Porta  12:18

Here’s what I journaled for this point. This grudge I’ve held is absurd. I’m resentful toward a platform. Really, Facebook. I noticed that I use the word embarrassing, which implies that I care what other people think of my Facebook following and traffic, when in fact, this shouldn’t matter at all. I also compare my Facebook experience with others, which is the opposite of what I want to be doing. I mentioned how much traffic and revenue I have, quote missed out on over the years, which only shows that I’m living in the gap versus the gain. If you’ve read the Gap and the Gain book, you’ll know what I’m talking about. And as far as the Facebook group that I was kicked out of when I look at my grudge from a different perspective, the admins of that group were just protecting their group. I don’t know what I did, but something alerted them that I wasn’t a good fit to the group clearly, and wasn’t following the rules. So they had boundaries, and they were holding their boundaries, which I actually really admire. That group also serves a lot of food bloggers really well. And it has done so for many years. I hear so many people talk about how this group has helped them grow their businesses, it’s helped them connect with people. It’s helped them to learn so many things about what services and platforms and events and all of the things that you should know. This alone gave me such a unique perspective that I’ve never thought about before. 

Megan Porta  13:44

Number four is rewrite your grudge story, you are going to answer the following question in writing. My actual story is this. Consider what you noticed when you analyze your initial story. If you notice that you had a tone of competitiveness, rewrite it with a collaborative tone. So try to counter anything negative that you wrote initially. Also do kind of what I didn’t put yourself in the shoes of the other party, whether it’s a person or a platform or whatever, and adopt empathy when you rewrite your story. And try your best to be fair to all parties. There can be emotion involved with grudges, which is really common, but really try to be fair as much as possible. Even if the other party was truly wrong in something they did. If somebody stole your photography or your recipes, that’s hard. They legit did something wrong to you, they wronged you. And it can be really hard to give them the benefit of the doubt. But at the bare minimum you can always say this, “Everyone or every platform or every whatever fill in the blank has their own story and their own reason for doing What they do, everyone or every fill in the blank is doing their very best given their current situation. I believe this is 100% true.” You never know what people are going through. You never know what a platform is trying to do what its end goal is, you just never know what’s going on behind the scenes. So give everyone every platform every party, the benefit of the doubt, even if it looks like they’re doing something totally evil to you. They are doing their very best given their circumstances. Here is the story that I wrote out for this part. My perspective and attitude are the only things that have kept me from gaining traction on Facebook. When I say the words, I hate Facebook, and Facebook has never produced anything fruitful for me. That is exactly what I’m allowing into my life. I know the power of words. So why would this situation be any different? Facebook has given to me exactly what I have given to it. A bad attitude and resentment. I own the role I have played in this grudge. And I will change my wording anytime I think about or speak about Facebook negatively. To take on the mindset of the gain. I will say that I have 13,766 followers on my Facebook account, which is 13,766 more than zero. And speaking to that Facebook group, I appreciate so much the value that that group has provided to so many bloggers. As a person who really cares about bloggers getting the information that they need and deserve this matters to me. I myself reaped the benefits of this group for quite a long time. I also appreciate the boundaries the admins hold in order to ensure it is a high quality place for food bloggers to go. That story that I wrote about Facebook makes me feel good. So when I go back to that initial stuff that I wrote was all negative, it was resentment, it was grudges, this one actually lifts my spirits, it makes me feel good. It gives me energy. And I feel aligned with this. 

Megan Porta  17:10

Number five is release your grudge and forgive all parties, including yourself. I have a sentence that I want you to write down. If you are in the PDF file, it will be there for you to fill in the blanks. But I want you to write this out. I released my blank grudge and no longer align with this negative perspective. I forgive blank for blank, whatever it did to the grudge that you’re holding. And most importantly, I forgive myself for holding on to this resentment. I choose to release this business grudge once and for all in invite peace to occupy my thoughts anytime blank comes to mind. Once you’ve written this out, I want you to close your eyes and visualize yourself releasing the grudge. Sometimes when I do this visualization, I think of a cloud. Like I’ll put the actual grudge, I’ll see myself putting the words or the grudge into a cloud. And then I watched the cloud float away. Sometimes I put it into a balloon and watch the balloon float away you can have a bird come take it away, you can put it in a box that’s shipped off to Antarctica, whatever comes to mind, go with that and just visualize it leaving you don’t need to hold on to it anymore, you’re releasing this. This might take some practice. I’m talking about all of this, not just the visualizing but this whole exercise might take some repetitions so keep doing it and don’t give up releasing business grudges is going to serve you in really powerful ways the statement that you just wrote out so I released my fill in the blank that one I want you to either print it out or write it out onto a sheet of paper and put it somewhere you can see it every day. 

Megan Porta  18:55

Here’s what my forgiveness story says. I release my Facebook grudge and no longer align with this negative perspective. I forgive Facebook for not being more fruitful over the years and most importantly, I forgive myself for holding on to this resentment. I choose to release this grudge once and for all and invite peace to occupy my thoughts anytime Facebook or that Facebook group comes to mind. To summarize, you’re going to do these five things you’re going to define and acknowledge your grudge. You are going to write out your grudge story. You are going to analyze your grudge story, rewrite your grudge story and release your business grudge and forgive all parties including yourself. I suspect this will be a really powerful one for a lot of you let me know if you enjoyed this episode. Thank you so much for listening and don’t forget to go to eatblogtalk.com/grudgeworksheet if you want a guide for this exercise. I will meet you back here next week. Have a great one. Thanks for listening. 

Outro  20:01

Thank you so much for listening to this mindset and self-care episode here on Eat Blog Talk. If you are a food blogger providing a service for other food bloggers, and you want to spread the word about the value that you offer, I would love to offer you a free way to do just this. Send me a 60 second audio clip to be featured in a mindset and self care episode here on Eat Blog Talk in 2024. Go to eatblogtalk.com/audioclip to learn more