Episode 739: Why You Keep Sabotaging Your Own Joy (And How to Stop) (Mindset & Self-Care)

EBT739 – Why You Keep Sabotaging Your Own Joy (And How to Stop)

Intro  00:01

Hey food bloggers. Thank you so much for joining me in this mindset and self-care focused episode here on Eat Blog Talk. One of the reasons I started a blog talk was to hold a space to talk about the importance of mindset and self-care. Being an entrepreneur can be a lot. If we are not taking care of ourselves, then getting actionable information about SEO Pinterest or whatever else is all moot. I will meet you back here every Wednesday to discuss various mindset and self-care topics. So you have the energy and space to tackle the rest.

[00:00:33] Megan Porta   

Hello food bloggers. Welcome to another mindset episode here on Eat Blog Talk. So happy you’re here today. I hope you’re having a wonderful week. In today’s episode I’m going to talk about perhaps why you keep sabotaging your own joy and I’ll give you some ideas about how to stop that. This is a topic that has come up for me recently and as with most episodes, that’s how I’ve been liking to do things is addressing things that I’m dealing with and maybe you’re going through them as well.

[00:01:09]   

So the episode I think is for the women or men who have a really good life, maybe even a great life, a blessed life. But something inside of you just won’t allow you to fully enjoy it. You have built the business. Your kids. If you have kids, they’re doing okay. Or your pets.

[00:01:35]   

Your home is safe and happy. It contains laughter and dog hair and all the normal things that a home contains. Maybe you even bake and cook often so your home smells amazing. You have a good home. You have a good life. But sometimes when joy shows up knocking at your door, you might hesitate.

[00:02:01]   

You might run to your computer and check your inbox. You might think about everything that could go wrong and maybe you quietly put up a wall like I sometimes do. So this episode is for the part of you that really wants to be happy all the time and to feel the joy that shows up at your door, but for some reason you don’t fully trust it.

[00:02:28]   

I have been noticing this in myself recently, in the midst of a season of really deep connection and celebration. Recently I celebrated a big birthday and my husband hosted an awesome celebration for me. It was so great. I still felt a familiar inner resistance to something and I couldn’t put my finger on it.

[00:02:55]   

So I’ve been giving it a lot of thought. The party itself was so beautiful. I was surrounded by love, amazing people, kindness, good food, gifts, warmth, warm weather. But when everybody left, I felt like there was just something little that was off. And it wasn’t them. It was all me. It wasn’t regret.

[00:03:23]   

There’s nothing about the day or evening that I regretted. It wasn’t even sadness. It was just a strange discomfort of sorts of having received so much. Like maybe I should downplay it, or maybe it was too much. This is something I’ve noticed in one of my boys, too. Like he can get to the point where he just feels a little bit too much sometimes.

[00:03:54]   

And that’s how I feel. I was responding to that, to my birthday party, so I dove into it. When I looked a little bit more closely, I realized that I actually do this quite often. Unfortunately, I do this with peers, with friends, even with my husband. At times when people try to get too close, I have this subtle reflex to protect myself.

[00:04:22]   

I put up a wall, or I make a joke, or I change the subject. I get busy. I figure out some way to exit. And it’s not that I don’t want the closeness. I deeply crave it. But that vulnerability feels risky somehow. So I hold myself back. Here’s what I’m learning. Joy can’t land where walls are built.

[00:04:54]   

Connection can’t deepen if we keep stepping away from the moment. And love cannot pour in if we keep tightening up the lid. So here’s why I think we do this. Talk a little bit about the deeper layer. I think we sabotage joy not because we’re feeling ungrateful, but because we feel scared. We are scared that whatever it is might be taken away from us, or that we will be disappointed in the end, or scared that we won’t know how to hold it or handle it.

[00:05:35]   

So we preemptively just shut it down. We micromanage the moment and dodge softness with productivity or business. But I think the irony of that is that the very thing we’re longing for, which is peace, presence, intimacy, joy, can only arrive when we stop protecting ourselves from it. I have given thought to what to do instead, because I really want to address this in myself.

[00:06:11]   

And here’s what I’m personally learning to practice. Not just in theory, not just in my head, but actually doing this in real time. So here are a few strategies I’ve come up with that I’m going to put into practice myself. And if you are dealing with something similar, I would encourage you to try one or some of these and come back to me and tell me how they’ve worked.

[00:06:35]   

Or if you have something else that works, please let me know. The first one is to name the resistance I think anytime we can name something out loud, there’s so much power there. So something like, oh, here it is. Here’s that part of me that feels safer, in control and having compassionate awareness about it.

[00:06:59]   

This will be the antidote to feeling guilty or shame later. So say it out loud and then just breathe with it and stay with it. Number two is staying in the moment just 30 seconds longer than you normally would. That’s it. Letting a hug linger, letting a silence hold steady for a while, keeping the eye contact, letting laughter echo without rushing to start cleaning or become distracted in some way.

[00:07:38]   

I believe joy grows in presence. So when it starts to feel uncomfortable, just kind of forcing yourself to stay in that presence for a little bit longer than you normally would. Number three, use the joy journal technique each evening. Try writing down one moment from your day. When joy tried to show up, it knocked at your door and maybe you didn’t let it in.

[00:08:08]   

If not, why didn’t you let it in? This practice will build awareness, and awareness will build trust. Writing through things holds so much power and it will bring so much clarity. So try this even a couple nights a week, just to get to the bottom of why you’re not letting in the joy.

[00:08:29]   

And maybe you can come up with ideas about how to let it in. Number four, practice expanding your capacity to receive. When someone compliments you, don’t deflect it. People do this all the time. I’ll say, oh my gosh, I love that shirt. It’s so cute on you. And it’s like, oh, this? Yeah, I don’t know, it kind of shows my rolls or whatever.

[00:08:52]   

Like people have such a hard time accepting compliments. When a gift comes your way, say thank you and just let yourself feel the goodness. Instead of thinking of reasons why you shouldn’t have the gift or why you’re undeserving. Receiving is a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it’s going to get.

[00:09:14]   

Number five, create a joy affirmation to rewire your nervous system. You can try one of these or write out your own. It is safe to feel this good. Joy is my natural state. I am open to more beauty, more love, and more light. Whatever your affirmation is, repeat it. When your body starts to tighten, when your mind doubts, when your joy feels like maybe it’s just a little bit too much.

[00:09:41]   

That’s all I came up with. Like I said earlier, if you have other ideas about how to not sabotage your joy, please send me an email. I would love to hear them. [email protected] if you have had that inner feeling like you still feel empty when life is so full, this could be your invitation to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.

[00:10:07]   

To stop protecting yourself from the thing you most desire. To soften a little bit, to stay in the moment and to receive. You are not too much and this moment is not too good to be true. You are deserving, you are worthy. It is here, it is now. So let it in. Let’s do this together.And thank you for letting me work through my problems as I build these mindset episodes. I hope it is helping you as well and I hope you have a wonderful week ahead. I will see you back here next week. Thanks for listening everyone.

Outro 

Thank you so much for listening to this mindset and self care episode. These mindset episodes are now available on YouTube, so watch it over there. Search Eat Blog Talk on YouTube and we’ll see you there.