Episode 673: 5 Things to Stop Thinking and Saying to Improve Your Life (Mindset & Self-Care)

EBT673 – 5 Things to Stop Thinking and Saying to Improve Your Life

Intro  00:01

Hey food bloggers. Thank you so much for joining me in this mindset and self-care focused episode here on Eat Blog Talk. One of the reasons I started a blog talk was to hold a space to talk about the importance of mindset and self-care. Being an entrepreneur can be a lot. If we are not taking care of ourselves, then getting actionable information about SEO Pinterest or whatever else is all moot. I will meet you back here every Wednesday to discuss various mindset and self-care topics. So you have the energy and space to tackle the rest.

[00:00:37] Megan Porta

Food Bloggers, hello. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode focused on self care and mindset. So happy you’re here and thank you. I appreciate your ears so much. 

 In today’s episode we’re going to talk about five things to stop thinking and Stop saying to improve your life goodness. This topic has been on my mind a lot recently. My family and I have been in a season of, shall we just say, some challenges. I know we all go through seasons like this and we are definitely in it here.

[00:01:12]   

 In my family, I know the power of words and thoughts, so I also know that when I allow myself to fall into a bit of a habit of saying words I shouldn’t say and thinking thoughts I shouldn’t think, that plays out in a way I don’t love every single time the thoughts we think and the words we say now determine our future.

[00:01:37]   

 There is no getting around this. If you think good thoughts and speak positive words, yay for a powerful and aligned future you. If you have terrible, worrisome thoughts and gossip and complain constantly, boo for a future you who doesn’t feel good and who is a magnet for challenges. So knowing this, I have been really cognizant of my thoughts and words lately.

[00:02:04]   

 About a week ago I decided to level up with this concept and make a conscious effort to not complain to, not gossip ever or make excuses or overthink and tell myself terrible things about me. In doing this, I am shaping future me. I love this idea. I will say this is not easy.

[00:02:26]   

 I think we all have our areas that we struggle with more than others. So maybe that’s where you start. With the points we discuss inside this episode, we will talk through five main things to stop thinking and saying. If it feels too overwhelming, then pick the one point you struggle with the most and concentrate on that for the next week or month or however long it is going to take you to get a handle on it.

[00:02:49]   

 The truth is that our thoughts and words shape our reality. We absolutely have to be intentional about what we think and what we say. Many of us have habits like gossiping, complaining and making excuses that can hold us back from so much goodness in life. So let’s put an end to these nasty habits so we can receive all of the good things that are meant for us.

[00:03:14]   

 All right, let’s talk through five actionable things to stop thinking and saying in order to create positive changes in your life.

Sponsor (Kara Myers)  [00:03:22]

Hey, bloggers, are you feeling overwhelmed by your blogging business and unsure where to focus your efforts to grow? Do you have trouble finding systems that work for you? I’m Kara, food blogger at sweetlysplendid.com. And full service blogging business coach, there’s so much that goes into blogging and finding what works best for you is the key to growing and making profit. I don’t believe in a one size fits all solution. It’s about what’s right for your business, not what the industry says you need. With my person first approach, I see the person not just the business, because at the end of the day, burnout won’t make you profitable. We’ll work together to pinpoint bottlenecks, make customized solutions and provide actionable steps in a one to one environment that fits in with your life and your time constraints. your blog and your success are the priority and main focus of every coaching session. My coaching program isn’t just another blog coaching system where you get a generic list of things to do. I would love to chat with you about how we could work together to grow your business for any questions or to sign up, just head over to sweetlysplendid.com/coaching to get started.

[00:04:28]  Megan Porta 

 Number one, stop complaining about things you can’t control. Do you know those people who always have something to complain about? I encountered one of these humans in the airport recently. So I was just getting into the line at security putting my bag up on the belt thingy when the woman in front of me just started to unleash.

[00:04:50]   

 I always pick the wrong line. Oh of course. Oh do you see that guy looking at the screen over there? Of course I picked this line. What are they even looking at? Just keep things moving already. Seriously, this went on and on. The most amazing thing to me is that I didn’t even give her an ounce of feedback yet.

[00:05:07]   

 She kept right on ranting. But this is not unusual when you’re out in public. Start listening to the complainers. They are abundant. People love to complain. This is so toxic. I used to be one of these people, you guys. My mom taught me how to complain like a champ she was a master complainer and I picked up her habit and carried it well into my own adulthood.

[00:05:33]   

 Once I started digging into mindset and understanding that complaining equals discord in my life, I started making an intentional effort to stop the madness. I’m not saying I never complain, as I’ve been acutely aware of all my words and thoughts recently. I see that I do have more complainy thoughts than I thought I did.

[00:05:55]   

 Somehow it just becomes second nature or habitual to just find things to complain about. But when it comes down to it, complaining drains our energy. And energy is so precious and I do not need any energy drains. Personally, it is so easy to fall into the trap of complaining about things that are completely out of our control, which only increases frustration and other negative feelings.

[00:06:20]   

 By the way, here are a few tips about how to stop complaining. Catch yourself in the act and just ask yourself, is there anything I can do to change this? When you notice that you’re complaining, just say that Is there anything I can do that’s in my control? If the answer is no, let it go.

[00:06:39]   

 Focus on what is in your power instead. Or you can start a gratitude journal to focus on the positive parts of your life. Make this a daily habit to just write down three things to start that you’re grateful for. This can shift your focus from what is not working or what you think you should be complaining about.

[00:06:59]   

 To help cultivate that positive mindset, reframe complaints into proactive statements. When you catch yourself complaining, turn it into an action statement. For example, instead of oh my gosh, the airport is so slow, try saying I can make the most of my time by fill in the blank while I wait. Another tip is ask yourself, what is the lesson here?

[00:07:25]   

 Since complaints come out of frustration usually, what if you looked for the lesson instead? So what can I learn from this moment of waiting might actually shift your focus from frustration to an opportunity for growth. Another tip, Replace complaints with affirmations. Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, use an affirmation to turn everything around.

[00:07:47]   

 Instead of I hate waiting in line, try I trust that everything is happening at the right time. Those people are looking at the monitors for a reason and everything’s good. That simple shift can change your emotional state just like that. Another tip, Engage in positive self talk. Since complaining comes from frustration or stress, you can combat this by practicing kind and supportive self talk.

[00:08:12]   

 When you start to complain, remind yourself of your ability to handle tough situations. Another tip: Shift your focus to the present moment. This one has gold. If you’re complaining about something that hasn’t even happened yet. Practice grounding techniques such as deep breathing or just a quiet moment of meditation or reflection to refocus your attention on the present moment where you can take action rather than complain about something that hasn’t happened yet.

[00:08:41]   

 Also, surround yourself with positive people. The more you surround yourself with people who are optimistic and positive, the less likely you are to go into that complaint mode. Positive energy is contagious. And last tip, Commit to a no complaint day or week. Challenge yourself to go an entire day without complaining. I love this exercise.

[00:09:05]   

 It can really open your eyes to how much you complain just out of habit. I decided to do this all of last week and it was crazy how much I was complaining and I had no idea. It took me a couple days just to get through that awareness stage and from there I felt like I could finally start actually working on the complaints that were coming to my mind.

[00:09:28]   

 So be really aware of when and where you’re complaining and then start to change those complaints and stop them. Number two, stop gossiping about others like the complainers. There are sadly a lot of gossipers roaming around out there as well. Here’s another thing my mom taught me about backwards lesson if you will, AKA learning what I don’t want to do after seeing something that she did.

[00:09:59]   

 By the way, yes, my mom has passed away and I truly do not mean to bash her in this episode, but she really did teach me so much in a backwards sort of way and I’m extremely grateful for the lessons that I’ve pulled away years ago. Here’s what happened. I would listen to my mom gossip, gossip, gossiping about people all the time, constantly.

[00:10:21]   

 Just ridiculous and incessant ranting. And there was a point when I realized this isn’t good. What she is doing is actually pretty awful because I knew that she would never say these things to these people’s faces. So there was a moment when I made the decision to counter everything she said and to start standing up for the people who couldn’t stand up for themselves because they weren’t there to hear it or stand up for themselves.

[00:10:47]   

 She would say, oh and Marilyn, oh my goodness, she was at the pool again wearing that teeny tiny bikini. Who does she think she is? And I would say, isn’t Marilyn in her 70s? Good for her for having the courage and body to wear a bikini? Seriously, I would do this every single time.

[00:11:04]   

 I got so much good anti gossip practice from my mother. So thank you mom. I began carrying that into my everyday life and I’d occasionally just stand up for people who were being talked about behind their backs. I would try to counter things that were being said with a positive spin. Two things I should mention here.

[00:11:23]   

 One, I do sometimes fall into the trap of gossip and I hate this. When this happens, it’s actually a sign that I’m hanging out with the wrong people. And two people hate when I call them out on their gossiping and try to stick up for the person being talked about. And I actually don’t care if people hate this because it is the right thing to do and it feels so good.

[00:11:44]   

 The bottom line is gossiping wastes energy. It perpetuates negativity, it can damage relationships, spread unhealthy, helpful stories, and take away from your own growth. Gossip is icky and it’s dangerous. Here are some tips for stopping that icky gossip First, recognize when it’s happening the first step in stopping gossip is just noticing when it’s happening.

[00:12:08]   

 If you’re in a conversation that turns into gossip, just be mindful of how it makes you feel. If it feels uncomfortable or negative, it’s a sign that it’s time to shift the conversation and along those lines, just change the subject. If gossip begins, try to steer the conversation towards something more constructive. For example, if someone starts talking about a co worker, ask have you heard about that project this person is working on?

[00:12:33]   

 Just shift the focus from negativity to something positive or neutral. And like I was saying earlier, speak up against it. Don’t be afraid to call out gossip when you hear it. You don’t have to directly say, hey, you’re gossiping, Stop. But you can politely say something like, that person isn’t here so maybe we shouldn’t talk about them.

[00:12:54]   

 By doing this, you are setting a boundary and you’re showing others that you are not going to engage in those negative conversations. Set boundaries with people who gossip. If you find yourself surrounded by habitual gossipers, set some boundaries. Let them know that you prefer not to engage in that sort of conversation and would rather talk about something else.

[00:13:17]   

 You can try redirecting the energy into solutions rather than gossip. Instead of talking about someone behind their back, try redirecting the conversation into a solution. If someone is venting about a problem they have with someone, just say, how do you think they’d respond if you said something like that directly to them? Encourage a constructive conversation and that will help keep the negativity away.

[00:13:43]   

 Create a positive circle of influence. So surround yourself with people who share your values and focus on positive, supportive conversations. When you’re with people who consistently uplift others, it will be so much easier for you to stay out of that gossip realm. Always be the one to praise others. When someone has done something that’s praiseworthy, take the time to compliment them openly and behind their backs to others.

[00:14:09]   

 By consistently speaking highly of others, you will not only help shift the tone of your conversations, but it also sets a great example for others to follow. And I love this point. Vent to a trusted person. If you do feel the need to express frustration and vent, find someone you trust to do so in a safe, non judgmental space.

[00:14:31]   

 I know this is really important for a lot of us to get things off our chest, but just make sure it is a safe area. Make sure it’s someone who will listen without spreading negativity or just turning it into a full on gossip session. This will make sure that you’re not bottling things up, but it also does not contribute to those harmful gossip discussions.

[00:14:54]   

 And number three, stop making excuses like the complainers. And like the gossipers, There are also way too many excuse makers roaming around. I hear excuses all the time, coming out of my own mouth, my children’s mouths, family members, people out and about in public. Excuses are being tossed around everywhere also like complaining and gossiping.

[00:15:17]   

 It’s a habit we can so easily fall into. I found myself starting to make an excuse just this morning. Actually, as I mentioned earlier, it’s been a bit of a rough stretch recently. First I experienced this two week or more long sickness, then our oldest son got hit, then our youngest son. This has been the sickest he’s probably ever been.

[00:15:38]   

 And then my husband. I took a trip in there and although it was a wonderful experience and a great trip in warm weather, I came home exhausted. Everything has just felt behind, like I can’t quite catch up with life and work and you know how it goes. So this morning I took my oldest son Elijah to school and afterward thought should I go back to bed or go work out?

[00:16:02]   

 The excuses started flooding into my mind. Well of course I should go back to bed because I’m tired. I just took a trip. Everyone’s been sick. La la la. But thankfully I called myself out and had awareness about what I was doing. Excuse making big time. And I put on my workout shoes and immediately went into the basement and started my workout.

[00:16:23]   

 So many excuses flood into our minds throughout the day, reasons why we should or shouldn’t do things. A lot of the time I don’t think we’re even aware of what’s going on. And here’s what I think the truth is about excuses. They prevent growth by allowing us to stay in our comfort zones.

[00:16:41]   

 Excuses are so easy to make, but they keep us from taking responsibility and moving forward, and they negatively impact future versions of us. Here are some tips for stopping those excuses. Do an Excuse Audit the first step in getting rid of excuses is becoming aware of them. Spend a day or a week tracking when and why you’re making excuses.

[00:17:06]   

 Write down those excuses and reflect on them later and you’ll start to realize how often they pop up. This awareness is step number one toward taking control of them. Replace I can’t with I will. One of the most common excuses is saying I can’t do X. Instead, challenge yourself by replacing it with I will do X.

[00:17:27]   

 Instead of saying I can’t find time to exercise, say I will find time to exercise and I’m going to do it at this time. This shift will empower you to focus on the solutions rather than those limitations and excuses. Try breaking goals into smaller, actionable steps. Sometimes excuses come from just being overwhelmed by larger goals, so break your goals down into manageable tasks.

[00:17:55]   

 When you focus on those small, achievable steps, it’s so much easier to take action and avoid the urge to make an excuse. Reframe challenges as opportunities so instead of viewing obstacles as reasons to make an excuse, reframe them as opportunities to grow. For example, I don’t have time for this can be reframed as I can make time for this because it’s important for my growth or whatever.

[00:18:20]   

 Create a no excuses mantra, develop a personal mantra that you can relate to that reminds you to take ownership of your actions. Whenever you feel an excuse bubbling up inside, repeat your mantra. Maybe it is excuses don’t help me grow or I take responsibility for my actions. Ask yourself, what’s really going on here?

[00:18:41]   

 When you make an excuse, just ask yourself what’s at the root of it? Are you avoiding discomfort or are you fearing failure? Are you tired or stressed? Identify the real reason behind the excuse and that can help you address the underlying issue and take action. I love this one. Find someone who will help hold you accountable.

[00:19:03]   

 When you have someone you trust to check in with, you’re more likely to follow through. So share your goals with them and commit to taking action on specific things, even when the excuses start to flood in. Stop doing that should game we often make excuses by saying things like I should do this, I should do that, but this puts unnecessary pressure on us and can lead to resistance and inaction.

[00:19:28]   

 Instead, try changing should to will. This shift will make your intentions feel much more deliberate and less like a burden. And last but not least, focus on progress over perfection. Excuses come up when we feel like things aren’t perfect or we can’t do something to its fullest. So instead of making excuses, focus on making progress.

[00:19:50]   

 Every little step counts and you will see that perfection is often an unattainable goal that only fuels excuses. Number four Stop Overthinking and Worrying about the Future I have talked about overthinking and worrying in recent Mindset episodes, but it’s worth mentioning again here because it’s a biggie for a lot of us. I feel like it’s safe to say that especially women and moms tend to worry about the future and overthink more than we should.

[00:20:18]   

 It’s a real issue for me that I am constantly working on. My awareness of this is what prompted me to really become intentional about meditating and bringing myself into the present moment as much as possible. Living in the present moment, like truly just being here with whatever is around me now, is so powerful and it truly is the antidote to overthinking and worrying about the future.

[00:20:42]   

 But just because we have a solution doesn’t mean it’s easy to do right. Our brains can be so used to this incessant pattern of thinking and overthinking and worrying and being anxious about what’s to come that it takes very, very intentional awareness and effort to stop it. Overthinking leads to analysis paralysis, which prevents us from making decisions and taking action.

[00:21:09]   

 Constant worry about the future creates stress and it robs us of peace in the present moment. Here are some tips for stopping that nasty overthinking. Practice mindfulness daily. Make mindfulness and or meditation a regular practice by setting aside just five to ten minutes each day to focus on the present moment. This could be meditation, deep breathing exercises, or just sitting quietly and observing your surroundings.

[00:21:37]   

 Doing something along these lines will help to anchor yourself in the present moment and calm down those overactive thoughts. You can also try challenging your thoughts when you find yourself overthinking or worrying. Ask yourself, is this really something I need to be concerned about right now? Often our minds run wild imagining those worst case scenarios that are so unlikely to even ever happen.

[00:22:02]   

 So by questioning these thoughts, you can create space for more balanced thinking. Break bigger decisions into small tasks Overthinking often comes about when we’re faced with big decisions. Instead of dwelling on the huge overarching picture the entire situation, break it down into smaller manageable actions. Focus on the next step, not the entire journey.

[00:22:28]   

 So if you’re worried about a work project, commit to finishing one small piece of it today instead of stressing about the whole big project. Also, try limiting your what if scenarios. When you start imagining all the possible outcomes of a situation, especially those negative ones, just take a pause and ask, what is the most likely outcome?

[00:22:51]   

 Shift your focus to realistic possibilities rather than getting lost in those what if scenarios that just make our anxiety worse. Focus on what you can control. When you catch yourself worrying about the future, remind yourself of what’s within your control. I do this all the time. Take actionable steps in the moment that can move you forward.

[00:23:12]   

 So if you’re worried about, I don’t know, big picture financial issues, focus on just setting small financial goals or getting a budget together or working on a daily budget. Rather than getting overwhelmed by the big picture of your financial issues. Try shifting your focus to gratitude. Worrying about the future often comes from a place of fear or lack, so practice gratitude for what you have right now and this will help to shift your mindset.

[00:23:41]   

 Take a few minutes each day to write down things you’re grateful for. This can rewire your brain to focus on the positive rather than on future worries. Establish a worry zone. This is actually something my mom taught me when I was a kid. If you can’t stop worrying, designate a specific time during your day when you’re going to allow yourself to worry.

[00:24:02]   

 You could even set a timer for 10 to 15 minutes. And during that time, write down your worries. And once your timer goes off, you close the worry journal and you focus on the present moment. This creates boundaries around your thoughts and it can prevent that constant rumination that is so unhealthy. And last, take action.

[00:24:23]   

 Instead of thinking about taking action. Action is one of the best ways to combat overthinking. If you are worried about something, take small, immediate actions to address it. It might be as simple as making a phone call, sending a text, sending an email, researching a solution. Whatever it is, taking action can help you feel in control and shift your focus away from anxiety.

[00:24:46]   

 Number five Stop believing that you’re not good enough. I am going to make a blanket statement and I know it’s not 100% accurate, but I’m going to say it anyway. Most of you listening are women and it’s pretty accurate I think, to say that most of you at some point or another have thought or currently think that you’re not good enough.

[00:25:08]   

 It’s unfortunately a collective belief for a lot of women and humans honestly. Plus it’s unfortunately a collective belief for entrepreneurs. We have it in our minds that we’re not doing enough, that we are not enough. And this is actually the furthest thing from the truth. Every one of you listening is enough. You are all enough, just as you are in this very moment.

[00:25:33]   

 Think about how you think of or talk to your best friend or your kid or someone who you care deeply about. If they say to you I’m not good enough, what would you say back to them? The words you would say back to them are the words that you should be saying to yourself.

[00:25:48]   

 When those limiting beliefs pop up. Because self doubt and the belief that you are not enough have powerful negative effects on your life, they can stop you from pursuing opportunities, stepping out of your comfort zone, and reaching your full potential. Here are some tips for stopping that belief that you’re not good enough.

[00:26:07]   

 Replace Negative self talk with Affirmations. One of the most effective ways to shift this mindset is by using positive affirmations. Every time a I’m not good enough thought pops up into your mind, counter it with a powerful affirmation like I am worthy, I am capable or I have the skills to succeed. Regularly repeating these affirmations will help to rewire your brain and reinforce your self worth.

[00:26:34]   

 Try focusing on your achievements, not your shortcomings. I am such a proponent for writing down wins every day as they happen and reviewing them constantly. So take a minute now to write down what wins, what accomplishments you’ve seen in your life in the past day or week or month. Whether they’re big or small, it doesn’t matter.

[00:26:56]   

 And reflect on those things that you’ve done really well and the progress that you’ve made. This will help you shift your focus away from those perceived failures that you have that bounce around in your head and it will remind you of your ability to grow and how far you’ve come. Also, be kind to yourself like you would be to a friend.

[00:27:16]   

 Imagine how you would respond to a friend who told you they weren’t good enough. Would you criticize them or would you lift them up with love and encouragement? You deserve the same compassion and kindness. So when self doubt comes up, talk to yourself in the same loving, supportive way you would to a friend.

[00:27:34]   

 I know this one can be hard, but please promise you’ll work on it and I will too. Identify and challenge your limiting beliefs. Whenever you catch yourself thinking I’m not good enough, challenge that belief. Ask yourself, is this true? Or what evidence do I have that contradicts this thought? Often these beliefs are based on past experiences or just assumptions, not what is actually reality.

[00:27:58]   

 By identifying and questioning them, you can begin to break free from their hold. Stop comparing yourself to others One of the biggest traps we fall into is comparing ourselves to other people. Comparison steals your joy. It feeds your insecurities. So instead of looking at others, focus on your own progress in your own journey and celebrate your uniqueness and your wins, knowing that your path is so different from anyone else’s and that is okay.

[00:28:27]   

 Visualize your success. Spend a few minutes every day visualizing what success looks like to you. Picture yourself achieving your goals in the future and feeling proud of what you’ve accomplished. This not only boosts your confidence, but also reinforces the belief that you are capable and you are worthy of success. Let go of perfectionism.

[00:28:46]   

 Perfectionism often stems from a fear of not being good enough. Instead of striving for that elusive perfection, aim for progress. Mistakes, failures, setbacks are all part of the learning process and do not determine your worth. Focus on getting better, not being perfect. It’s not possible. And last but not least, practice self love.

[00:29:09]   

 Self doubt and the belief that you are not good enough often come from just being hard on ourselves. So practice that self love by forgiving yourself for past mistakes and treating yourself with the kindness that you would offer to a loved one. Recognize that being human means being imperfect and that is completely okay.

[00:29:29]   

 That is all I have for you. I hope this episode was helpful for you if you struggle with oh those thoughts and those words that just do not serve you. So in this episode we talked about the five things to stop saying and thinking in order to improve your life. And those are to stop complaining about things you can’t control, stop gossiping about others, stop making excuses and stop overthinking and worrying about the future.

[00:29:55]   

 And lastly, stop believing you’re not good enough. I’m going to challenge you to implement at least one of these shifts today, not tomorrow. Start today and be mindful of your thoughts and your words as you move through your day and your week. Making big changes with these things will not happen overnight, but with consistent effort you can start to see improvements in your mindset and in your life. Thank you so much for listening. I so appreciate you being here and I can’t wait to talk to you again next week. Have a wonderful week everyone. 

Outro 

Thank you so much for listening to this mindset and self-care episode here on Eat Blog Talk. If you are a food blogger providing a service for other food bloggers, and you want to spread the word about the value that you offer. I would love to offer you a free way to do just this. Send me a 60 second audio clip to be featured in a mindset and self-care episode here on Eat Blog Talk. Go to eatblogtalk.com/audioclip to learn more.